Well, you might not like this one because my current mood is utter fury and total disappointment. I am not even sure how to gather my thoughts in to compiling this. I am simply wondering who to blame. Is it me or is it you, Father? Yes, I am not talking to the holy spirit nor the Son who I have very much faith in but I am addressing directly you Father. Call me a sinner but I need to get this out of my damned chest.
Will you just take a look at the mess you've put me through? Don't you for one frigging second think that I deserve a break? Why do you have to throw balls in to my court one after the other when you bloody well know that I am pretty damn tired to hold the bat let along swing it? Don't you dare say that I always have a choice. Why the hell does the choice matter when you have the final say in the matter? and don't even think about letting me think that I need to repent because this is what you made me, I didn't ask for this shit, did I now? This is the way you made me. So do not, let me repeat, do not even think about pointing that finger at me.
If you think you can get away with throwing small mercies at me, guess what, ohhh no, I am not fooled. I am miserable, I am frustrated and I am, hell, what not. I've worked hard all my life to get what I want, through turmoil and torture. How long till you are satisfied that I've bled enough for you? Just about when I feel things are complacent you have to stir up some shit and make it even more crappier. Trust me, I am on the verge of breaking apart. I am mentally tortured beyond comparison and you know that very well. What is the point of testing me when I have proven enough? I've proven to you that I am not a quitter, that I am not a reckless and other things that don't come to mind this moment.
I am not asking for much goddamn it! just leave me be!!!!!!!!!!!!!
