The sin eater

Life! Trying to comprehend what is the purpose of an utterly dull existence where no one sees or hears the good you do. The sacrifices you made, taken for mere chances of thirst to prove... the tears you shed, holding no value... The words you utter, making no effect.... It is truly a cruel way to live... In utter misery and utter loneliness... When no one really reaches out for you but expects the best of you when the times are dark... Happiness, the illusion, the silver lining, the mirage that I am after, eludes me as always.. yet the fortune hunter I am, I always endure the most excruciating pains the life sends me through... The hardest is not having anyone to talk to, not having anyone to see behind the veil and see the beautiful woman inside... to peel of these ugly layers of skin and for once see how I truly feel for a change.... 

I was born a sin eater... to eat away the sins of others... to have their burdens on my shoulders... regardless whether I can carry them or not... my endurance is quite irrelevant... because I, the sin eater never can be selfish.. it is not my right nor place to be... or to complain because the role of mine in this world is beyond anyone's understanding yet here I am hoping, that it would all end soon for me... where I can succumb to sleep and never open my eyes...to go back to where I originally came from.. to dust... to wind, to water... to earth and back to nothingness....... 

In the Name of the Father...

Father, just tell me one more time, I beg of you, tell me again why you stab me like this, before I die? I just need to hear your voice say, that I have been bad, that I deserve to be punished, that I need to be tormented, till I bleed to death on my knees. Tell me Father please, just one more time, no more, I plead, I need to hear you say, that I need to repent, that I must seek retribution for everything I have done.

Father, please stab me once more, end this misery, I can't take it anymore. I want to go now, Father, please set me free. Kill me while I still can see you, before my sight blurs, the last thing I see, I want it to be you. 

Father, no more, I beg of you, the pain is too much, drive your sword through my heart, I can't bear it anymore. You gave me life, now, please take it away, open this cage, father, please let me go. I am not sure whether the tears will come, Father, I can't cry no more. I hold no grudge, I am your child, take off my shield, take off my wings, Father I cannot live this lie anymore. 

Father, please, spill my blood, the remaining at least, I can't smile anymore. Please let me close my eyes one last time, Father, please, I beg you, it is time to let me go. Before I go though, tell me Father, what have I done wrong. I have been good, I have not sinned, I have been my name, I want to know Father, please tell me won't you, before I go.

In the name of the Father, I summon all the fallen ones, I beg you, please take me home. In the name of the Son, I call the banished, come please, take me home. Father, please.... please Father, let me go!

Calling On All Angels

I am calling on all angels to fight for this fallen one

I am calling back the wings I shed to rise towards the sun

I am laying down my swords , help me make the fear shun

I am calling on all angels to fight beside me as one

Feed me the blood that I have shed, quench my thirst

Heal my soul, my body, my womb, they severely hurt

Fight beside me like we once were and face the worst

I am calling on all the angels, the pain to shirk

Take flight from your heavenly burrows through thunder and storm
 Be beside me while I take my steel, spread your warmth
Keep my soul safe when I can feel no more, when my conscience roam
I am calling on all angels to take ranks beside me and take me home

Sometimes it is difficult to be brave no matter how hard you try. I am a warrior, I was raised a warrior and I do not shed tears unless I feel the situation really calls for it. So I am going down on my knees tonight and calling on all the warrior angels to fight beside me when I lay down my swords to wrestle life in a few hours.

Harlot of the Decade

On a feathery bed I cry tears of crimson wrapped in loneliness
My faith questioned, my heart broken
Will I ever see the light of the day, a glimpse at least
So I may close my eyes for the last time

With duty I am bound, my heart still a renegade
My clipped wings lying next to me, I weep
Sorrow sits with me in silence its stare blank
Oh how i wish to close my eyes for the last time

Alone I am among all the riches, with the vanning moon
Struck in the face, unable to defend myself
My breathe suffocating me, poisoning the air i breathe
Oh how I wish to close my eyes for the last time

In this jeweled cage I stare out through the bars
Where mirth and frolic mock me knowing I am helpless
Someone please hold me, I am bleeding inside
Oh how I wish to close my eyes for the last time

I die a slow death in my own flesh in utter shame
A scarlet letter etched in to my skin
The town's harlot weeps tonight wanting to repent
Oh How I wish to close my eyes for the last time

Dance With the Devil

I sit and enjoy the mirage playing in front of me toying with my emotions. It is such a cruel thing,  taking no pity on me, teasing me to the brink of devastation. I want to reach out and touch its feathery soft glimmer, drown in its heady scent and when it burns me I want to yearn for more. I watch in awe as it takes form, human form.

Such bright light you cast, casting me in to shadows making me feel insignificant. Instinct warns me of your monstrosity, how you may engulf me in your flames, turning me in to dust, the moment I succumb yet the temptation is overwhelming. My insides wants to hide in your treacherous warmth, beckoning me forward. 

"Oh! Can you be anymore tempting?" I ask desperately. 

"Come" You whisper in my ear. I hesitate. 

'Don't" I say and you laugh out loud throwing your head back, such a sweet sound, reverberating on the stone walls. 

"Do I dare?" I ask myself. "Do I dare dance with the devil?" 

"Haven't you always?" You ask raising my chin with your trembling fingertips your lips inches away from mine. I look away. 

"Don't." You murmur. "I am so terribly alone. I need you." You say taking me by my shoulders, shaking me softly. 

You take a step forward and I take a step back pressing myself against the wall. You smile wickedly knowing that you have cornered me, knowing that I have no where to run. You take a hand soff my shoulder lazily placing it on the wall beside my head and lean in. I can feel your hot breath on my cheek making me melt inside. 

"You are a predator." I say trembling looking in to your scorching eyes.

"I cannot change who I am." You say in a voice barely audible brushing your lips on my throat leaving a trail of wildfire at their wake. 

"You will disappear" I say craning my neck away from you as far as possible in the tempting confinement of your body.

"Yes, I will disappear when the real thing comes." You say pressing against me leaving me breathless. I sigh as your hands travel down my shoulders and you laugh softly against my skin. 

"You want me." You say looking up. "I can feel it."

"I.." I start to say but nothing coherent comes out. " I can't think while you are doing all this." I try to push you away but my strength is no match for yours. You stay unmoved looking at me with your hungry eyes. 

"Please.." I beg. I am not sure what I am begging for any longer. Is it for you to continue or to stop?

You take me by my waist and pull me towards you. "Kiss me, Woman." You command pulling my hair.  "Please.." Then you plead. 

"Just tonight, isn't it?" I ask. You nod softly. "Just tonight." You whisper and I close my eyes. I feel your lips on mine soft but firm devouring me, trying to gain entry. Then you groan when I don't give in.

"Open up for me, sweetness." You murmur against my lips.I part my lips slightly and you sigh in relief breathing in to me.

I realize that we are on fire, covered in flames and in my peripheral view I can see that the entire room has caught fire while I was preoccupied but you do not seem to notice nor care. As though possessed you carry on making me forget the fact that we are burning.

"Fire." I say scared.

"Yes, that is what I am." You say and scoop me in your arms and walk right in to the flames and we burn and burn and burn.

Color My Void

I wait looking down upon the buzzing city on this Friday night. Not that the entire city is buzzing really, only a few places where loud house music plays over pouring with cigarette smoke mixed with a tinge of sex and lust. A prey, one good one, that is all I ask for, so I can go home and lie down with a book in my hand. Yet it eludes me still. I exhale impatiently, come on, come on!!! Come play with me, wherever you are. 

All I see is wasted teenagers who have their whole lives ahead of them coming out staggering in to the streets. I wonder whether they even appreciate the fact that they have a beating heart, a life vein so precious that you'd do anything to hold on to when you realize it's about to be gone. Well, I guess it just dawns on one, only once it's gone for good. Come on kids, it's not too late to right the wrong. Open up your eyes and see the truth standing right in front of you. 

I burn with temptation but I make no move.I just let them drive away. Moon is vanning from the western skies. I can clearly see it slowly drown in the ocean. I can feel the sun even though it is not yet visible. It is getting too late, come on.... 

Your Heaven's A Lie

Are you trying to lull me in to false security? If you've forgotten, I've played this game before. Many a times. Let me refresh your mind, remember the countless times you struck me down when I was bleeding all over my face unable to get up to wield my weapon? Remember the times you shot me when my back was turned? Yes you won. Fair and square? Nah nah nah.. only because you do not fight fair. Oh nooooo I am not falling for that trick this time. Go find a new plaything, I am done with you.